Jun. 21st, 2014

(me) Suaine comic new
I wonder, is there a way to import tumblr posts to LJ?

Jan. 24th, 2013

(me) Suaine comic new
I realize I'm never here anymore even though I miss the fuck out of LJ-style fandom. Tumblr is not good for me, but it's where the fandom *is* at the moment. Ugh. I miss this, with the comments and the privacy settings, and long conversations that aren't immediately visible and googleable and gods... seriously. How did this happen?!

Teen Wolf Reverse Bang Fic!

(me) Suaine comic new
Title: Squared Away
Author: Suaine
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Wordcount: 15k
Rating: Teen
Pairing(s): Derek/Stiles
Warning(s): minor character death, violence, gore
Beta(s): all my thanks go to Qhuinn, for making things so much better under adverse conditions
Notes: Thanks to nightmarenosh for the amazing art. It gave me a chance to do ridiculous things with my fondness for military AUs. This is a Mulan/GI Jane/Starship Troopers mashup, sort of. Written for the Teen Wolf Reverse Bang.
Summary: Alpha LT Derek Hale gets a promotion, a pack, and a mission. Stiles is a complication.

Read the fic on AO3:
Squared Away

Find Nightmarenosh's art at:
Nosh's Tumblr

Nov. 18th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
It's Sunday, I have work tomorrow, and I feel oddly okay with that.

Nov. 3rd, 2012

(seasonal) puppy
Dear darlingest of all yuletide writers,

you may have noticed that my letter post is, uh, unavailable. This is because life has been kind of... eventful for me this year and especially the last month or so and I didn't actually sit down and really pound out anything useful for you. I am deeply sorry that this happened - I was sure I could do it before assingments went out, but if you could just give me another couple of days, I'll throw something up here that is more than the few lines on my signup.

I promise I'll be good :)

Yuletide Letter

(seasonal) puppy
Dearest writer of my heart,

You must already be chomping at the bit or maybe you're staring in a vague sort of horror at the blank page. In any case, I am so stoked to see something in any of these fandoms that I'm ridiculously excited.

This year I'm a little creatively subdued, a little on the batten-down-the-hatches side of everything, so it's only three requests from me. They're all stories I care deeply about and will be delighted to see, no matter what you choose to do with any of them.

For your reference, here are some of my previous YT letters:

Virtuality (TV 2009)
I'm literally looking for any fic in this fandom. Gen adventure, character studies, romance, horror - anything that shows us more of this world and these characters. I don't have favorites so anything you do will be greatly appreciated. Tell me more about the man in the virt-modules or what happens when they get to Epsilon Eridani, or whether they're all actually stuck in a virtual reality. Wherever this pilot movie takes you, I want to see it!

I'm definitely super into the sci-fi elements, not just the relationships between everyone, but the relationship between them and their world. The nature of reality, the possibility of being the only chance for a dying world, the discovery of what else is out there - this series would have been catnip for me, if it had ever gone beyond the pilot. And if you wanted to play with any of those concepts, that would be amazing.

Points - Melissa Scott & Lisa A. Barnett

How about a mystery? Or more of their courtship? Little slices of life or intrigues or adventure! How are they adjustin to life together? And will they ever get a dog?

Okay, with this one I'm definitely into it for the relationship. I love the worldbuilding and the cases, but what really gets me is the thing we don't get to see as much - the slowly developing love between Rathe and Eslingen. The original novels didn't have much time for feelings outside of crisis situations and while I love me some mystery, I wouldn't mind exploring that a bit more. Anything about them is welcome, though, from character studies to romance to epic adventure ;)

Silent Empire - Steven Harper

I would love to see a story dealing with the aftermath of the first book, how Ben and Kendi adjust to being together again and the emotional fallout of all that death and destruction. I haven't had a chance to read Trickster and Offspring, but spoilers are perfectly welcome!

Feel free to delve into any of the three characters, if you prefer one of them to the others. I'd love to hear more about Sejal as well as Ben and Kendi, so anything goes when it comes to this universe. I wouldn't mind more about the supporting cast or the worldbuilding either.


If you've read any of the posts I linked above, I think it should be fairly obvious that I am easy to please. Give me something that treats these characters and universes well and I will be happy. I like humor and romance and adventure and a little bit of darkness and hope. I'm a huge sucker for clichés, played straight or subverted, and I love any story that was obviously written with love as well.

Go nuts, my friend. Write what will make you happy and I will be, too.

Fic update!

(teen wolf) derek is confused

The Hour of the Wolf (54045 words)

by Suaine

Chapters: 4/4

Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage

Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski

Characters: Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Lydia Martin, Danny (Teen Wolf), Jackson Whittemore, Allison Argent

Summary: Stiles never wanted to be a werewolf, but the choice is taken out of his hands by a series of unfortunate events. When he wakes up his life has become infinitely more complicated.

It's done, you guys. So, so done. So very done.

Well, I mean, there's still a little epilogue coming up, but mostly it's DONE. \o/

Sep. 27th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
Contrary to what my journal must look like, I've actually been really active in fandom the last couple of weeks, for my standards at least. I've been writing opinions on tumblr like it's going out of style XD

My tumblr is full of Teen Wolf blathering.

I miss the way LJ does discussion and community, but there are good things on tumblr. They introduced me to Husbands which is so very hilarious. Also there are many pretty pictures, although personally I mostly post walls of text.

Aug. 26th, 2012

(teen wolf) derek is confused
This weekend is literally filled up with social family stuff. I am so exhausted I could cry. I've run away for a little bit but I think I'm going to be forced to have coffee soon.


Teen Wolf Holidays: A Fic Exchange
Info & Rules | Sign Up Post

2. The slash madness poll of hilarity. I have a dog in most races, but Derek/Stiles is where I'll put down my battle flag. For reasons. After Ellen is prepping a similar poll for femslash.

3. The Sterek Campaign headquarters - if you don't love the talent and dedication in this fandom at least a little, you're missing out ;) There are going to be COOKIES.

4. I may be completely in love with Teen Wolf and its fandom forever and ever. No shame, you guys. It's the best experience I've had since Buffy.

Aug. 24th, 2012

(misc) chocolate cake
I got an internship at a bakery! Operation "turn real life into bakery AU" is a go!

Aug. 4th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
That odd moment when you've seen MiB 3 and realize that Will Smith hasn't aged in fifteen years.

Aug. 3rd, 2012

(teen wolf) derek is confused
In today's things that you wouldn't believe macho straight guys like, my brother has been watching Glee. I think he's about halfway through the first season. I haven't asked him if it's the teen drama or the music that he likes and I'm not sure I want to know.

Also, today I read a Teen Wolf fic that made me want to hide under a blanket. No, it wasn't the dystopian death fic or the consensual cannibal one. It was supposed to be funny, but mostly what I got from it is that you can totally bully someone into dating you and all your friends will think it's cute. Goddammit, I hope that one was a severely unreliable narrator, because fuck me but it was disturbing.

Also Derek Hale's face.

random things that make a post

(me) Suaine comic new
1. It's too hot for early Saturday and my room gets morning sun.

2. When I first got back from my year in Louisiana, I spoke German with a Saxon-Louisiana accent. It was hilarious.

3. My pattern of getting intellectual crushes on writers who are awesome continues with Jeff Davis. In a recent webstream, he said he liked puns in his episode titles (haha, yes sir, CODE BREAKER still makes me giggle) and I was all "omg let's be best friends forever ♥"

4. On the one hand, I love how Teen Wolf fandom has taken off. A couple of months ago, when I got into it thanks to the magic words "canon gay character" and "werewolves" there was one person on my flist who was into it. Now it's all over the place. But. If one more asshole says "oh finally there will be good fic" when another BNF heeds the call, I will punch someone in the teeth. Seriously.

5. I haven't been gaming much or really at all ever since that whole shit with my parents started. I kind of miss it but I'm resentful about there still not being any gay characters in SWTOR.

6. Writing has been slow. I think it's because my non-fannish, non-writing life has shattered in so many ways these last couple of months, so it's been difficult to get a handle on words. I'm probably allowed a pass for life-altering circumstances, right?

7. I get angry at people dissing actors/actresses for minimalist acting when it comes to emotionally withdrawn characters. Call it block of wood impressions all you like, you're wrong about the skill it takes to make Derek Hale look like he's an entirely different person from Tyler Hoechlin, or, in fact, that Keanu Reeves has no facial expressions. Watch the Matrix again and look how his acting changes in the Matrix and outside of it. Ugh.

8. Tumblr is frustrating the fuck out of me. Fandom activity there is so decentralized and it's so fucking difficult to have real conversations. Ugh. But hey, at least I'm trying to make fannish friends again? That's got to count for something.

9. Also, I still have resentment issues over Merlin. So much resentment. I can't even re-read my own old fic or favorites I used to use to cheer me up. I get rage blackouts when I think about the Julians or Johnny Capps. Ditto Brad Wright and Robert C. Cooper, but at least with those I knew not to trust them before I got fannishly involved.

10. Oh, and this. If someone is using a slur/vaguely derogatory term to describe someone else, it does make a bit of difference if both of those people share that particular oppression, especially when it is obvious that there isn't an intent to harm. Because I don't think we get the right to judge whether it's internalized ~ism or reclamation, that's between the people affected.


They say nothing is ever on screen by accident. Bouncy ass has got to be my favorite directing choice of the season.

Jul. 26th, 2012

(misc) chocolate cake
For the longest time, I've been trying and failing to finish my degree. Psychology is awesome and super important as sciences go, but most of the application just wasn't for me and I was sabotaging myself at every step. My depression was both a cause and an excuse for not finishing up the last little bits of it.

A couple of weeks ago I finally made the decision to let it go. I hadn't wanted to work as a mental health professional for a while now, too much of it would drain my soul and prevent me from doing what I really really want, which is write. I looked for other things I'd like to do with my life. And no matter how fucked up my family situation can sometimes appear, they do have my back and only want me to be happy.

So, today I got notice of my final failure as a university student. It's harsh and it feels pretty awful, but ultimately I am relieved.

And now I'm going to be a pastry chef.

Jul. 17th, 2012

(The Authority) midnighter
I am so tempted to jump into a ship-skirmish and raise my battle-flag and turn it into a war. So, so tempted. Complete with canon evidence and accusations and you're watching the show wrong and you traitorous ship-jumpers, we never needed you anyway.

I have an entire argument mapped out and then I keep thinking, dude, no. Just no. Let it go. Other people can like other things and it's okay.


Except when those other people gleefully expect me to be happy that their ship has a much better chance at becoming canon than mine does, not because it's any more likely based on the personalities involved, but because it's straight.

Also, and I think that needs to be said somewhere, but I don't quite know where, but. I'm not a multi-shipper. At all. Once I've imprinted on a pairing in a certain way, I can't see them with other people. I can handle it for a little while if they're still going to end up together, but the idea that they never find each other hurts me. So, no, I won't read the rival-ship fic, I won't squee about rival-ship moments in canon and it's both natural and okay for me to be upset and even ultimately leave a canon behind if it becomes clear that this isn't what I wanted. This doesn't actually make me a bad fan.

I have many multi-ship friends and I love you guys. This isn't about you. This is about the people who make me feel like having an actual OTP again somehow makes me deficient and delusional. And that is not okay.

this is teen wolf meta

(teen wolf) derek is confused
This will be a post heavy with speculation about one specific vague spoiler that has been known since before the season started. [Spoiler (click to open)]

tw_death ~ from Jeff's twitter

The problem right now is that I can't write because I'm too freaked out about the upcoming death(s). I already knew, of course, but last night Jeff Davis reminded me that death is coming and that reminder triggered some of my worst anxiety. I haven't liked any new fannish thing this much since the first season of Merlin and I am finally able to plunge myself into writing. It's been a long time and Teen Wolf is my thing. Death of a beloved character does not mix well with that.

I need to talk about this death. Let's look at this from two slightly different narrative angles.

Death in fiction can have several distinct purposes and means to go about it.

The heroic death/noble sacrifice

Noble sacrifice or heroic death has a long tradition of writers looking for something epic, tear-inducing and bitter-sweet. A noble sacrifice has to be earned and it has to be worth it, or your audience will come away thinking it a cheap manipulation, but it is incredibly popular with a wide variety of writers. The character in question needs to have something worth giving up and something worth giving it up for. Their act needs to be one of trading their own life for someone or something else of equal or higher value.

Many characters have engaged in noble sacrifice or heroic death. There is the type who holds the line to allow others escape or buys time for them to turn the battle around. There is the type who offers herself in exchange for someone else, an act of love that we can't help but shed tears for.

These deaths are often main or major characters. They can include someone already injured going out in a blaze of glory. These deaths are often felt deeply by the remaining characters and will have a game-changing quality for the narrative.

One of the deaths is likely to be this type, as Jeff Davis has hinted in an interview with Collider.

When you see shows of this type really upping the ante and killing off integral characters, does that put the pressure on you to kill someone off, at some point?

DAVIS: Only if it’s necessary for the story. I don’t like the idea of death for the sake of ratings or not knowing what to do with the character anymore. If the story dictates it and it’s where the characters should go, then that’s a great death. A victorious death or a death that is a beautiful sacrifice are things that we’ll definitely not shy away from.

So, can viewers expect death this season?

DAVIS: Yes, they can. Possibly more than one.

So that's a thing that might happen. Characters who are especially vulnerable to this include Scott, Allison, Stiles, Derek, and Chris Argent. Protagonists have special protection from certain kinds of death, but noble sacrifice is their domain. Meanhile, love interests, sidekicks and mentor/father figures are some other characters that often get saddled with this particular brand of death.

These deaths need not be permanent, but coming back from them is difficult. It involves such fun things as Buffy's sixth season or Dean Winchester's depression. Occasionally, they are transformative and reveal a new power in the recently dead character. It is much easier to come back from this if you are also the protagonist.

The fakeout/he was only mostly dead/it was just a flesh wound

This isn't technically a death at all, but it does appear to be one for the audience. We've already seen one of these for Derek in season 1, although few people probably believed he was really properly dead. They can be cliffhangers or just a good way to remove a character from the narrative for a while to let the rest of the characters cope with the absence.

Fakeouts usually happen to fan favorites and other major character. The fakeout gets less impressive every time it is used, however, and the less valuable a character is in terms of fan reaction, actor contract and narrative purpose, the more likely it is that the fakeout turns into a real death.

Fakeouts can happen to just about anyone and they're often indistinguishable from actual deaths until you get to the reveal, so they're mostly a ray of hope and a way out if someone died who really shouldn't have.

The fridge/it's motivation!

By and large this is a death I could do without. It's cheap and easy in many ways and it is rarely doing justice to the character who actually dies. Fridging so often happens to love interests without their own story line that it's a much hated trope. It also happens to mentor/parental figures for the sake of forcing pre-mature development of the protagonist. It's a cheap way to give a character something to fight for and something to angst about.

Laura's death and by extension the Hale fire are deaths like this. It is, perhaps, less jarring if it happens before the story starts, but it's not something I want to see more of. Characters vulnerable to this are mostly unimportant to the plot but have a strong emotional connection to one or more of the main characters. Particularly vulnerable here are family members - the Sheriff, Mama McCall or even Victoria Argent. Kate's death works partly like this for Grandpa Argent, but her death also slots neatly into someting else.


Villainous characters get saddled with this a lot. Kate, especially, is a perfect example of a character who could not be allowed to live. Her motivations were too opposed to the main characters' goals and her guilt too big to overcome. Could she have been forgiven and redeemed? Maybe, but it would have taken a story centered around her, not around Scott, to do that for us.

Current characters who may have to be killed for the greater good include Grandpa Argent, Mama Argent and the Kanima (who may or may not be Jackson at that point).

Transformative death/the next journey

I was going to put down Peter for the one above, but this one is actually more fitting. Sometimes characters die for the purpose of what comes after, for them and for others. It can be new insight, or new battles in the after life, exploring the more metaphysical aspect of the characters' world.

This death may or may not have a mode of return built in, but it definitely isn't the end. Some characters turn into ghosts and spend the rest of the narrative being snarky and incorporeal. It's a trade between staying around and having to change so much, so there's a lot of angst built into it, a lot of problems. It's not a state that is always permanent, more often it is a transition either back to life or into a more peaceful state.

Because this is already happening to Peter, I don't see it happening again quite so soon.

the grimdark pointlessness of life

And now we're at the one that makes me want to punch writers in the face. This is the one that triggers my panic attacks and keeps me up at night for days after it happens and ruins the enjoyment I get out of a narrative, often forever. It puts me on the defensive and it is never done for any other purpose than because the writers are kind of assholes.

It happens unexpectedly. There is no point to it, no purpose and no special reward. The characters are cut down in the middle of their stories and discarded like so much dead meat. They often don't even get much impact on the plot or the characters, beyond the obvious grief, because they are clearly accidents or natural causes.

This is Buffy's mother's death or that time Nate got shot in the face on Southland. It's a sucker punch with not even the comfort of some kind of resolution, just relentless, stupid misery.

Now, let's look at our intrepid heroes...

What we have heard is basically that there will be one or more deaths and at least one is a major character. We do not know if it's one of the six regulars or one of the recurring characters, but at this point no one is entirely safe.

Scott has some special protection because he is the main character. He is the Teen Wolf, the title character and the POV character for us to discover this world. Should he die, he also has the best chance of coming back - he's up for heroic death/noble sacrifice, fakeout or transformation, but if he does die, it probably won't take.

Something to note here is that while Teen Wolf has contained plots, it also has the more subtle story of two families - the Hales and the Argents, or the wolves and the hunters, and this is something that is likely to stretch thematically throughout the entire run of the show. Scott and Stiles are the only ones who do not have loyalties or plots connected directly with these two sides.

Allison, of course, is the love interest, but she is also the one who has to straddle two worlds, who has to decide between her own path/her love and the loyalty to her family. It is her purpose to figure out if wolves are inherently evil and must be eradicated or if wolves are inherently human and their evil is incidental and specific to any one person and their history. Her grandfather is obviously on one side, while her father may be an ally in another direction. It is Allison who has to make the greatest choice of morality this season, who has to decide what her principles are beyond wanting Scott to live.

Because of her connection to the hunters, she is unlikely to be fridged. Her narrative purpose goes far beyond love interest at this point and it is unlikely she is going to die. She might get a fakeout because Jeff likes to troll us, but her story is too important to the world plot to let her die.

Stiles, on the other hand, has none of that connection and none of the safety of magical werewolf powers. Stiles is a prime candidate for heroic sacrifice and he's just low enough on the narrative totem pole that it might be permanent. The only saving grace is that Stiles plays a unique role in his relationships with other characters - he's comic relief, yes, but he literally makes other characters more fun. Scott and Allison and even Deren are lighter and more approachable when they are with Stiles. Aside from that, fans love him and Dylan O'Brien would be a sad thing to waste on a cheap death.

Derek, of course, is the last representative of the Hales and his death would leave a hole that would be difficult to fill. It is hard to sell an audience on a new character who fills the exact spot you just vacated and that's all sorts of cheap. However, his current story line is one that all too often ends in death and sacrifice. Killing Derek does make a small amount of sense, but his death would be cheap no matter which way they go. The truth is that no one cares about Derek, his death would have no emotional impact on the characters. Even more importantly, it's not a very good story. Derek's life sucks, then it gets worse, then it gets even worse, he makes mistakes and gets beaten down again, the end. That's boring and his death would have more impact on the audience than it would on the world he lives in and that's just not very interesting.

Derek is definitely set up or some heroic sacrificing of his own, like Professor Snape, but if he does I hope his is a fakeout/flesh wound after all, because Derek sacrificing himself would be so much more interesting if he was around to see the reaction and finally grow from it. Derek's story should be one of healing. The hubris he has is only skin deep - he does not come from power or arrogance, he comes from grief and fear. Killing Derek is like kicking a sick, blind, old dog.

Lydia's story so far is connected to Peter and her induction into the lore and the Hale/Argent conflict is slow and meandering. Her narrative purpose is so obscure at this point that it is hard to speculate how she might die. She could be poised to sacrifice herself either for the team or in a misguided attempt to redeem Peter Hale. She could be killed to ignite the conflict between the two houses. She could easily get run over by a truck and die a pointless, miserable death. But so far, I think we can consider her safer than most.

Jackson is not that safe. His nature may well turn out to be the end of him, though whether it will be the form of punishment or heroic sacrifice is difficult to say. Jackson has about as good a chance at coming back from it as Stiles does, which isn't much. His destiny largely depends on how the rest of the main plot arc plays out so speculation at this point is going to be hit or miss.

The puppies

Narratively, Boyd, Erica and Isaac are perfect for killing. They are foils more than they are full characters and any of their deaths would resonate in interesting ways with Derek and the McCall pack. I would have put money on Isaac, but rumor has it he is the only one who will definitely survive the season finale. Erica is the next likely to die, probably as a fridging, and that makes me twitch with anger so I try to repress it. The puppies are incredibly vulnerable to heroic sacrifice as well, because they, much like Derek, would come from a bad place to make a surprising show of heroism, which is EZ-redemption in a spray can.

The Argents

Another set of people whose safety is not guaranteed. Chris Argent especially strikes me as someone who may well end up a beautiful sacrifice on the altar of manipulative emoting. His niche is the heroic sacrifice for his ideals and the love he has for his daughter. Being stuck between his family and his principles, he is a perfect candidate for giving himself up for the greater good.

Meanwhile, both Mama and Grandpa Argent could easily come around to be sacrifical lambs themselves, or get what's coming to them in the form of bloody justice. Grandpa Argent certainly doesn't make any secret of the fact that he is a bad fucking guy who may be better off dead, a special brand of evil that he passed on to Kate. However, I can see him put aside the crazy genocidal tendencies to fight a much worse enemy at the side of the wolves and he certainly wouldn't be one to shy away from giving up everything to safe someone he cares about.

The single parents

Both Melissa McCall and Sheriff Stilinski are in the unfortunate position to make excellent fridge material, to throw Stiles or Scott for a loop and be the catalyst of the war. It's unpleasant, but there it is. They may also be drawn into the fight in ways that calls for a pretty sacrifice or a fakeout, but their narrative purpose is unfortunately fairly limited and if they do end up dying they are the least likely to make a triumphant or transformative return.

So this is the end

I do not want anyone to die, not even the bad guys. I don't think death is as powerful a story telling tool as people believe - it is easy but blunt. I prefer writers to put a little more effort into playing with my emotions.

However, it has become abdundantly clear that at least one major character dies. I think one death may be a near miss and one is unfortunately permanent. From the way I've laid this out, I think Gerard is a good candidate for permanent. The Sheriff, Jackson, Derek and Stiles are also people I worry about not making it through to the end. I think Erica or Melissa or Boyd would be too easy, but they are by no means safe. The only ones I don't worry about are Scott, Allison, Lydia and Isaac.

What do you think?

EDIT: It occurs to me that I forgot Danny but let's just agree that Danny is fucking magic and he is also immortal.

Fic update!

(teen wolf) derek is confused
The Hour of the Wolf (30200 words) by faviconSuaine
Chapters: 3/4
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Characters: Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Lydia Martin, Danny (Teen Wolf), Jackson Whittemore, Allison Argent

Stiles never wanted to be a werewolf, but the choice is taken out of his hands by a series of unfortunate events. When he wakes up his life has become infinitely more complicated.

Basically, this is the fluff and angst chapter. There are cuddles and boys being oblivious.

Jun. 19th, 2012

(teen wolf) derek is confused
Okay, so my original plan for the day was wake up early, finish up the next chapter of my story and watch Teen Wolf as a reward. But I apparently have no self-restraint at all, possibly even negative self-restraint, because I watched the new episode of Teen Wolf. And then I had an explosion of excitement.

And actually, I know what everyone is excited about and yes it was so awesome, but also? Scott is making me feel things. Him and Allison and Stiles are so much better than I ever thought they would be as the kids between Derek's pack and Allison's parents, trying to keep the peace. I have a lot of love today.

Jun. 16th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
Fuck you open office, curveball is totally a word.

I watch Teen Wolf unironically

(teen wolf) derek is confused
And I kind of want to vomit meta all over the internet. Especially meta about Derek Hale, about shoes (leopard print pumps HAVE MEANING OKAY) and about Jeff Davis' noticeable background in psychology.

Also I am writing ridiculous fic about Stiles as a werewolf. I wish I could write it faster, too. Because season 2 is going to be so dark especially for Derek that I feel the need to hand out some hugs. And puppy piles.

Jun. 11th, 2012

(teen wolf) derek is confused
You guys.

I need tv show creators to stop fucking with my emotions. Or stay away from tumblr/twitter. One of those things.

Also, next chapter of Hour of the Wolf? So much silly self-indulgent angsty fluff. Oh yeah. You have no idea what you signed up for. Plus werewolf fairy tales.

definition of a dick move

(me) Suaine comic new
I feel like I only make posts anymore to vent about my family drama. I resolve to throw in some fannishness every once in a while, when I'm not angry and hurt.

Last night my cousin M had his birthday party. Every year he throws a big barbeque thingy where he invites family and friends. It's usually loud, full of people and copious amounts of alcohol. His new girlfriend has been a bit of a destabilizing influence over the past year. She's my age and kind of a a crass, manipulative jerk.

When we got there, everything was fine. But at some point my cousin M told his brother sort of under his breath that something was up. I was standing there with disbelief all over my face, because seriously, my cousin M is not that much of a stupid fuck. My cousin S guessed, quite correctly as it turned out, that M had invited my dad.

My dad shows up halfway through dinner and I think my mom might have left right there if we didn't all come with the same car. As it was, there was this huge, terrible vortex of awful sucking the fun right out of the party. I got really fucking drunk and it helped, a little. If I ever develop a drinking problem, it's because of these people.

Anyway, as the evening wears on, the new girlfriend of M pretty much outs herself as the orchestrating force, saying "why are they avoiding each other? They aren't children, they can talk politely." At which point I really wanted to punch her smug face. Three weeks ago my parents insituted a four week "let's figure ourselves/our lives out alone wihtout contact to see where we stand" policy. Yes, my dad was wrong in coming at all, but there are extenuating circumstances of him basically being in a self-destructive, passive-aggressive spiral of extremely poor life choices. He's ill, I think, both physicallly and mentally, interconnected. So while I blame him for coming, I think both M and his girlfriend are to blame for a huge chunk of this mess right there. They shouldn't have invited him. They should, at least, have warned my mother that he would be there.

I am so incredibly angry with them. I love M and I want him to be happy, but dear gods, I want to kick him in the teeth. And his girlfriend may be the reason I never talk to him again.

May. 26th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
This is such a silly, silly story, and now there is more of it! I apologize for being dreadfully slow about updating. I am never, ever going to make my self-imposed deadline with what is still to come (basically, tropes!) but I am getting there. After 20k words it would be silly not to.

The Hour of the Wolf (20040 words) by faviconSuaine
Chapters: 2/4
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Characters: Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Lydia Martin, Danny (Teen Wolf), Jackson Whittemore, Allison Argent

Stiles never wanted to be a werewolf, but the choice is taken out of his hands by a series of unfortunate events. When he wakes up his life has become infinitely more complicated.

a week like that, you don't need enemies

(me) Suaine comic new
The attentive reader may have noticed that a lot of my posts lately included references to mental health stuff and me being in a bad place. This is part of that continuing narrative.

my week comes with mental health/depression/suicidial thoughts warningsCollapse )

May. 10th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
I've been a little blocked on my silly Stiles!wolf fic and I wasn't exactly sure why. Now I know. I was looking for the right wolf. I needed to be able to picture Stiles properly.

Meet the maned wolf:

It's so perfect. The deer legs. The fox ears. When Derek sees him, he won't know whether to laugh or wrap him in a hug. I win.

Apr. 30th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
I can't get over the fact that Derek Hale wears a badass leather jacket and ratty sneakers. That's everything he is in a nutshell - mysterious badass from afar, but when you look deeper he's just some kid worn out by life.

Apr. 28th, 2012

(misc) bunny suicide
Everywhere I look, Avengers!

And I cannot go see it. There is no English showing in my city. I refuse to watch the dub. You have no fucking idea how miserable I am about this. I complained about it to my mother.

character meme stolen from dsudis

(me) Suaine comic new
1) Make a list of fifteen characters first, and keep it to yourself for the moment. (That way you're not leading the questions asked to fit the characters.)

2) Ask your flist to post questions in the comments.

For example:

'One, Nine and Fifteen move in together. Is this a really bad idea?'
'Under what circumstances might Five and Seven fall in love?'
'Which character on the list would you most want on your side in a zombie invasion?'

3) After your flist has asked enough questions, round them up and answer them using the fifteen characters you selected beforehand, then post them.

random AU that needs to happen

(me) Suaine comic new
Scott finds a dragon egg in the woods and becomes an aviator. Derek has been one since birth. Stiles is along for the ride because a) dragons are cool and b) WHO TRUSTS SCOTT WITH A DRAGON?

Apr. 25th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
You know what I miss as places of fannish congregation? Chat rooms. I love chat rooms. I love hanging out with people, the presence of it, how it feels connected and social more so than tumblr or facebook or LJ/DW.

Is that a thing that still happens somewhere? Can we bring it back? I miss themed chats like you wouldn't believe.

I accidentally Teen Wolf

(me) Suaine comic new
The Hour of the Wolf (8744 words) by faviconSuaine
Chapters: 1/4
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Characters: Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Lydia Martin, Danny (Teen Wolf), Jackson Whittemore, Allison Argent

Stiles never wanted to be a werewolf, but the choice is taken out of his hands by a series of unfortunate events. When he wakes up his life has become infinitely more complicated.

There should be 4 parts in all, though I may revise that later on because my pre-plotting is the worst. Mostly I just want Stiles to be a werwolf. And puppy piles.

Apr. 21st, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
So I've noticed I have this thing. About alternative universes.

You know the ones where one of a pairing ends up in a parallel dimension where stuff is different and they see their intended in a new light etc.? Yeah, those. I kind of love them, but I hate them, too.

I find it incredibly depressing when the two parts of the pairing from disparate universes fall in love. It's almost squicky to me. It feels like cheating, despite, you know both being ostensibly the same person. It's just not right. And I can't even explain why that is, but it makes me so super sad.

Maybe because what I love about a pairing is often their history together. Or maybe it's just me being weird. But seriously. These sort of AUs are freaking awesome, but every time AofA falls in love with BofB, all I can think about is how AofB and BofA must be feeling left out :(

Yes, hi, I'm a crazy person and I'm writing nothing even remotely like this. I'm actually turning Stiles into a werewolf, film at 11.

okay, so that happened

(me) Suaine comic new
I've got some serious mental health stuff and family issues dragging me down right now, but nothing I can put into words without freaking out. So, if I'm being weird, that's why.

Anyway, changing the subject, I'm not generally aware of men as attractive - many of the omg hot things people post about guys kind of make me blink and go "huh" a lot. (Like, say, Loki? I mean, what? Really?) I do like certain features on men, especially when they're features that women also have in a similar configuration, like eyes and ears and shoulders and cheekbones and lips.

And then sometimes I see a picture and it doesn't matter that it's a guy or a girl, it's just gorgeous all around.

I still don't want to fuck him, but I'd give, like, my soul to be able to paint that and I want to write a thousand stories about Stiles biting his ears, running a hand through his hair, holding on to those shoulders. Yeah, so that happened.

Also, wolves.
(me) Suaine comic new
Oh my-

So I've had an incredibly awful mental health related shit-fest of a weekend. It was bad. I don't want to talk about the details, but badness was had.

And then I figure I self-medicate, because that's what I do. I find something fannish. I read fic and watch a new show, possibly in that order. And it works, because my brain completely switches to figuring stuff out, making connections, building characters.

Which is how I came to obsess over TEEN WOLF.

Okay, so, part of it is the whole werewolf thing. I may have a thing for that thing. And then there is the oddly charming, self-conscious writing - this show is aware of the genres its straddling and it does so both with a hint of sarcasm and a lot of joy. There are the interesting characters, none of whom (none!) are what they appear to be. And even though it mostly makes me giggle, you gotta appreciate a show that reserves most of the gratuitous nudity for its male cast. Then there is Danny who's a jock, one of the most popular kids in school, and openly gay. There's Stiles, who's the best, and Derek, who's the Big Bad Wolf, and their epic totally meant to be love story.

My buttons, they have been pushed.

Apr. 2nd, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
It's one thirty a.m. and there is a mad early bird singing outside my window. I assume it got confused by daylight saving time.

Thanks for the birthday wishes, btw. I should have commented, or posted myself, but sometimes even the little things are hard.

Things could be better, but they could always be worse. Got through physical therapy with my arm, got a flu I couldn't shake, played a game that broke my heart.

I'm itching to write again after yuletide and a few things have been shaking loose. Thinking about sci-fi!Merlin again, thinking about Dragon Age 2 and Mass Effect and Star Wars: The Old Republic. Lots of material, when I can get my brain to work enough.

Also got a meta post I want to make, mostly about the rights we have to our own bodies and our own lives and how we judge people who make use of that right in unaccepted ways.
(me) Suaine comic new
You know, sometimes I look at political discourse in the US and I'm completely confused. The labels are brandished like weapons, but their meanings are lost.

Read more...Collapse )

Feb. 24th, 2012

(me) Suaine comic new
Why is every TV show I watch going for hellishly depressing?

Also, why are some gamers such unrelenting asswipes?

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